My Life as an Experiment / The Human Condition

Just One Question…

Who takes care of the caretaker?

I mean, it seems like a legitimate question from where I’m sitting right now. I take care of those in my life as much as I can, tending and being careful with them whenever possible, but me? Who is being so careful with me? I cry and beg for not even preferential treatment, but merely FAIR treatment and consideration, and often I’m battled against and my needs dismissed. I want to have equal say and equal rights in a variety of situations, and it’s inevitably turned around on me so that the person who hurt me is now, somehow, the one being wronged… and why? It’s all MY fault for making an ISSUE of the fact I was hurt instead of just smiling and putting on my game face and ‘letting it go’. I’m NEGATIVE if I need to hear an apology or acknowledgment of wrongdoing, and the action that hurt me reversed, so I can HEAL and feel reassured that, because of the ACKNOWLEDGMENT, it won’t be repeated. I’m not negative, I’m not unreasonable, and I’m not unloving to want these things, so why doesn’t my pain matter? Why do I have to defend myself for FEELING pain rather than the other person have to be genuinely sorry and own their words and actions? I want to be LOVED, and I want to know that if my needs are mowed over and vetoed, there won’t be an attempt to turn it around on me and make it MY fault, but instead just some decent OWNERSHIP. For healing, not for vengeance. For fairness. For kindness. For respect…

*sighs*

Who takes care of the caretaker?

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