I believe it should be my right to install side-mounted razor blades, extended out about, oh, 18 inches, from each fender of my car. I decided this when (anyone of tender sensibilities should cover their eyes about now) this stupid twat on I-29 the other day decided it was her mission in life to zealously guard against me merging into traffic from the onramp I was attempting to get off of. There I was, doing the right speed to MERGE, as I was supposed to do, when the freaking asshat (sorry, people, I warned you… be grateful I deleted and rewrote my first instinctive word choices. Much more, um… colorful. I’m trying to work on that, for your sakes) woman of grimly set mouth not only refused to let me in, she ACCELERATED to close the damned gap. I was going to fit in just fine before she did that. What the eff? I mean, seriously? Did she wake up that morning and have someone pee in her cornflakes? Run over her dog? Steal her milk money? SOMETHING had to happen to have her go on such a mission of complete douchebaggery. I was lucky that the car in front of her sped up faster than she did, and my car has more horsepower than hers, so I stomped on the gas right before the pavement ran out and swerved in front of her. NOT my fault, as it was rush hour and there was NO room behind her, either, making her move DOUBLY douchebaggy. Cow.
I just love people. And lots and lots of sporks.