I have a small front porch. Maybe, MAYBE… four feet by four feet. I also have a metal/glass/screen door, deceptively lightweight, that refuses to latch completely closed. On this porch, next to one of the two corner support beams that hold up the porch roof, I have… HAD… a beautiful blue and green glazed ceramic flower pot. You only THINK you see where this is going…

That freaking door flies open with any gust of wind. It whacks into my flower pot, which is braced on the other side by a support beam. Let me repeat that… a SUPPORT BEAM. It is, one would think, firmly in place, meant to, oh, I don’t know… not GO anywhere? So yesterday my son gets home and informs me that my flower pot is smashed. After my due ‘WTF?’ moment, I run upstairs to see what he’s talking about. I find my flower pot, smashed to pieces, in the flower bed about three feet below my porch. Mind you, this is NOT a wee pot… it is probably ten to twelve inches across, 18 to 20 inches high, and very thick. I am beyond baffled, as it was obviously broken by the fall, and the fall should have been unable to take place. SUPPORT BEAM. Between POT and EDGE OF PORCH. Then I realize something. That support beam? The bottom of it, which should have been resting on my porch? Dangling. Midair. OVER MY GARDEN. Apparently, as yesterday was very windy, what happened was this… strong wind hits my door, flings it open, it whacks into the aforementioned (and now dearly departed) flower pot. After hitting the pot, it somehow developed the strength of TEN MEN and not only shoved the bottom of the support beam off the goddamned porch, but simultaneously shoved my pot UNDER it, where it fell to its tragic end.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

My luck… it is boundless.

Anyway. My son and I grunted, heaved, and shoved the four by four (I think) back into place. NOT easy. It seems the support beam was far more willing to fuck with the lifespan of my flower pot (a mere innocent, yet mauled, bystander) than to do its job of holding up the roof over my porch. Of COURSE it was.

And people wonder why I hide under my rock…

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