I've been in chat for awhile now, and have learned a lot about the people that inhabit the rooms. It takes all kinds to make a community. Having said that, I'll tell you that most of them are certifiable. Sure, they seem normal enough on the outside, but don't let looks deceive you. Here are a few simple descriptions of the individuals you'll meet, and how to avoid them.
The Power Trip- a.k.a. I'm God and You're Not
There's always one person, unfortunately often more, that views chat as a place to live out the fantasy that they're both powerful and entertaining. Usually they're neither, but they do like to go on and on... and on... and on. You get the point. This is the person easily identified by the way the others in the room tend to remark on their entrance with remarks like 'Oh, God, it's back' and 'Damn it, didn't someone lock the door?'. Now, those who don't know any better might get either their feelings hurt by this pimple, or make the mistake of engaging it in a debate. DON'T DO IT! All it wants is to get a rise out of someone, and if it succeeds, it is very, very, very happy. We try not to make 'it' happy, thereby increasing our chances of making it go away. Get it?
You Know You Want Me- a.k.a. The Room Welcome Mat
No one needs a sign to point out the chick that attaches herself to every man with a pulse. Okay, that's not quite right... he doesn't HAVE to have a pulse. She may be sweet, or not. She may have other women friends in the room... yeah, right. Anyway, my point is, she's a staple, and any room you find has one of her kind. Usually found dead center of the wet spot.
The Sweet One- a.k.a. Make Me Gag
Ah, the room angel... *coughs*. She (it does tend to be a she) waves her virginal nature around till you want to choke her with it, all the while acting like she's doing the other women a favor by sharing her wee little perky personality with them. She tends to put on a blush if someone says a *gasps* curse word. She's also not NEARLY as guileless as she acts. She's one of the first to tell other's secrets in pm, to stir up a mess and then bat her eyes like 'who, me?', and to lurk (badly) in the room hoping to see the results of stirring. She'd be worth smacking if it weren't for the fact she's also usually stupid beyond all reckoning. I think that's a karma thing.
The Watcher- a.k.a. The Fly on the Wall
Mostly harmless, this is the person who never seems to say much, but always is in the room. People are often fooled into thinking the person has been booted, because who comes into a chat room to be idle for 13 hours and 9 minutes? But don't be hasty!! The person is there, alright, and watching every move. This person may also be your friendly neighborhood archivist, loading all the transcripts for future purposes. Usually resists attempts to be dragged into an actual conversation. Can be used as an ashtray in time of need.
The Sparring Partners- a.k.a. Friends that Fight for Fun
There are certain people that know each other well, and show their affection by trying to kick each other's teeth in. Figuratively, of course. Now, to strangers, they may seem to hate each other, or at the very least be allergic to each other, but don't jump into what you think is a big argument... that can be fatal. These two may gnaw on each other for entertainment, but don't let anyone else try it. Likely to be bloody if that happens. It doesn't have to make sense, but when you see one half of the team say 'BITCH!' and the other says 'SOW!', these are truly words of love... in a very sick and twisted way.
The Know it All- a.k.a. Would Argue with a Brick
Oy vay, there it goes again. He/she (can be either in this case) has jumped in to correct some poor shmuck's line of reasoning. And why? Well, because 'it' knows better, of course. Have a question on Mongolian Booger-eating quadriplegic bats? 'It' knows all about it. Got an oppressed people begging for a champion? 'It' can do that, too. It's like one of those thingys you see on the infomercials late at night... 'It slices, dices, chops, purees, changes your oil, takes dictation, wipes your ass, AND comes in a variety of colors!'. It's usually in obvious need of some valium.
The Illiterate- a.k.a. Get a Dictionary, You Twit
No, you're not drunk. No, it's not Yahoo's fault this time, either. It's the dipstick that has Jethro Bodine's education that's making things hard again. He/she is usually, unfortunately, prolific in posting, so get used to spending some quality time learning it's native language, which apparently is not of this planet. Makes you long for the REAL foreign people that come in the room/forum, because at least they have an excuse to not be understood. This is not to be confused with...
The Typo God- a.k.a. Yeah, Blame the Keyboard
There is one major difference between the illiterate and the typo expert: brain cells. The illiterate is most often, um, we'll say i.q. challenged, whereas the typo god just can't be bothered to spellcheck. Usually it's inoffensive, and can actually be highly entertaining when the typos in question turn words like 'fact' into 'fart'. We all usually have a soft spot for the person, because they tend to take a little good natured hassling in stride. Some even wear their badges as Typo Queen/King with pride. Others insist on blaming the keyboard, Yahoo, the dog next door... whatever's handy. Feel free to point and laugh.
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