Lesson 1: Observe, Observe, Observe
When you enter a chat room for the first time, the best thing you can do, for your own safety, is WATCH. Opening your mouth before making yourself aware of the personalities in the room is just asking for trouble. No matter what anyone says, there is a pecking order in each room, and if you mouth off to the wrong person because you didn't stop and OBSERVE, you will merely be advertising your location at the bottom of the food chain. The inhabitants of said room will then proceed to eat you alive.
Lesson 2: A/S/L Is A License To Die
Come into any given chat room and proclaim your status, i.e. 'fresh meat', by immediately posting the universally hated 'a/s/l'. You will be labeled 'troll' faster than you can say 'YAHOOOOOOOOO'. And no one likes a troll. Well, maybe the bots.....
Lesson 3: Penis Envy Syndrome (also known as all caps and big ass font)
We regs (people who are in a room so many hours we pay rent there) live to attack people who have font bigger than your fingers, colors fit to make you puke, and the ever popular screams for attention, all caps. We don't like them almost as much as we don't like people who post messages so long they should rightfully have an editor attached. Now, understand, all these rules apply to newbies. Regs rules are different and I don't need to outline them here. Maybe an addition later.......hhmmmmm
Lesson 4: Chat Memory Lasts As Long As The Reg You Pissed Off Lives
Yeah, okay, so you leave after offending half the population. You think you can start over next time? SEE ME LAUGHING!!!! You may come back, and you may be forgiven, if you suck up in just the right way, but do not, I repeat DO NOT assume that no one will remember you calling the Queen Bee a fat, licentious whore. We will remember. So unless you want to spend the rest of your chat life as the chat room punching bag, wait til you're a reg before you try your hand at creative name calling. If you have no interest in coming back and making yourself at home, well, that's different. Then feel free, and watch the virtual blood flow as we rip you limb from limb. Hell, we can always use some cheap entertainment.
Lesson 5: You Never Know Who's Doing Who
So you're in the room. No one has kicked you yet. Feeling cocky now, aren't you? Then you see him/her. You look at their pic. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. You make a move. Oh, you poor, misguided little piece of flotsam.... their spouse is in the room. Didn't you pay attention when I said 'OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE'? Until you've been in a room for awhile, you don't know the undercurrents any more than I know your home address. Hey, wait a minute, I DO know your home address...... hehehehe. Anyway. Chat relationships are many, varied, and almost always terribly complicated, so be aware that you're not aware, and do NOT make a move on someone til you're secure in the knowledge that doing so will not render your ass kicked out of the room.
Lesson 6: Iggy Is Our Friend
Welcome to the world of the ignore button. Unlike IRL, in chat you can ignore those that offend, or just bore, you with the simple click of a button. Two or three points associated with iggy: a) IT ISN'T ALWAYS PERSONAL! I mean come on, people, get a grip. Some of us have a wonderful thing called AUTO-IGGY. It has a filter that we set to click people that use certain nifty phrases like 'Wanna chat?' and 'A/S/L?' without us having to do a thing. So if iggy nails you, don't then pm us and rant and call us names. That would be a mistake, since we can't see you if we iggied you anyway, and if you'd remained civil, we might have taken you off the damned list. See, shot yourself in the foot with that one, didn't ya? b) Some of us also have wonderfully succinct and to the point iggy emotes. You won't like them. You're not supposed to. (Remember, you're a newbie, so absolutely NOTHING revolves around you yet!) They're there more for effect and humor than because we actually do think you're a zit on the ass of society. So calm down if you see the emote. I'm not saying we DON'T think you're the epitome the word 'butthead', but it's not a given.
Lesson 7: Get Off the Emotes Already
Recently became aware I have to add this one to the list. Ah, that tempting little list of profound little snippets just sitting and waiting for you to use and abuse them. There they are, right by the room list. You can almost taste it, can't you? Your fingers itch, your palms start to sweat, you're almost on the edge of a sexual experience... BUT DON'T DO IT! Nine times out of ten, and this doesn't just apply to newbies, emote usage will merit a severe dressing down and muliple iggies. People find them akin to fingernails being dragged down chalkboard. Especially fatal is doing them in batches. You know, like a hundred and twenty at a time. Do yourself a favor... step away from the emotes. Very carefully.
Okay, that's all for now. If I come up with any more safety tips for the innocent, I'll post them here.
Have fun, and don't drink and chat. (God knows who you'll cyber that way.....)
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