Only Nola

Road Rage

What is it about getting behind the wheel of a car that makes otherwise sane people completely lose their collective marbles? Sure, it happens everywhere, but you get into a big metropolitan area and the problem grows exponentially. I don't know if it's the smog frying people's brains or maybe it's just mob mentality, but a simple attempt to merge into another lane becomes something much more akin to the Christians and the Lions. And it's no wonder so few people turn on their turn signals to change lanes, btw... turning on a turn signal is merely a sign to other drivers to speed up to block you, so why bother? If you want more of a chance than a snowball in hell, then leave off the blinker and haul ass.

It's the damnedest thing about accidents on the road, too. Ever get stuck in stand still traffic, just to finally inch your way up a mile or two and find that the whole damned hold up was people breaking their necks to look at the remains of an accident on the side of the road? I mean, COME ON, it's a car wreck, and unless you're personally acquainted with the victims of said wreck, MOVE ALONG! I don't get it. As if it's not bad enough that everyone has to have a good dose of morbid curiosity, they can't just have a quick look and get it over with, they have to practically stop and take notes, thereby slowing everyone else down to the speed of maple syrup fresh out of the freezer. Idiots.

Then you have the people with serious penis issues. I say this because it's usually a man, of course, and he's usually scared that if he lets you pass him, his dick will fall off. You come up on a car doing maybe ten miles an hour under the speed limit, go to pass, and suddenly he's a speed freak, squinting and clutching the steering wheel while burying his foot (the one on the gas pedal) into the frame of his car. So you get back behind him since he's now doing a good clip down the road, and as soon as you do.... assbag slows down again. Neat game if you're completely MENTAL.

Oh, and you have to love the horn fanatics. To me, a horn is a last ditch solution to a problem like someone nearly taking off your front end by not looking where they're going and very nearly driving you into oncoming traffic as they attempt to merge over into your lane... in the spot you're currently occupying. But there are those lovely individuals that think their horns are extensions of their ego/id and make free and liberal use of them, no matter that it's more annoying and distracting than fingernails on chalkboard. I think those people need some aversion therapy... honk the horn, get a cattle prod up the ass. Works for me.

I've posted about bad drivers before, I think, but it bears repeating. Especially since I'm now living in a place where I'm surrounded by 2 million morons, most of which have the common sense God gave a grape.

Manners Optional

I've noticed something recently... well, recently being for FREAKING YEARS. Somewhere along the line manners have gone the way of the dinosaur, along with common sense. Now, I've learned to deal with this with a muttered 'Fucking asshole' most of the time, but my poor beleaguered spouse is having fits lately due to exposure to some of the people you find primarily in large metropolitan areas. For instance: he's at the grocery store, using one of those handy-dandy who-thought-up-this-crap self-checkout lanes. He pushes his cart up to one of the stations, and before he starts scanning his items, he walks over to the attendant and tells her he needs to ring up a bag of ice (which is, for some unknown reason, kept by the exit so you can't just grab it and scan it, you have to find your nearest nitwit and try to get some actual *gasp* CUSTOMER SERVICE!). She tells him that she can't help him with that, that that's not how it works. He informs her it's how it's worked every OTHER time he's been in there. She argues, snottily. After much strain on his blood pressure, it's almost worked itself to a conclusion, and he turns to go to his cart, and lo and behold, some asshole has just decided to move his cart and check out his own items. Caught in the act, this man says 'Oh, didn't know this belonged to anyone'. WTF? A loaded grocery cart, sitting in front of the scanner, my husband not five feet away trying to drag this chick's head out of her ass, and he didn't KNOW it was someone's actual groceries? Needless to say, my husband did NOT come home in a good mood.

Then, today, he's at the gas station. He pulls up to a pump, one with a handle on each side. One of them is taped and bagged, out of order. He lifts out the other one, preparing to pump gas, when he sees the 'prepay' sign. At this same time, he notices a car pulling in watching him, and doesn't pay it much attention, was just in passing kind of thing. He puts the nozzle back and goes to the cashier's island to pay for his gas... watching in total pissed off wonder as the aforementioned car yanks in on the other side of the pump, and the man driving has his wife jump out and grab the nozzle while he scoots to the other cashier island to pay for the gas. Definitive RUDE. I mean, there's no way they didn't do it deliberately, and no way they thought it was mannerly or courteous. Maybe it's a dick thing. The man thought if he didn't get the jump on my husband to get his gas, whatever he has that passes for a sexual organ would fall clean OFF. That's the only thing I can guess. Either way, he and his wife should look forward to some quality time in a line that never moves... IN HELL. Or maybe in their next lives they'll be dung beetles... Karma, people, KARMA!

I think next I'll post on drivers here in Phoenix. THAT could take up some room...