Only Nola

Take the Other Leg While You’re At It, Why Don’t You?

Took my family to this little zoo today. We looked it up online before going, and it looked great. A little pricey for a zoo, compared to what we're used to in Little Rock, but still, had lots of extras and whatnot for the kids to enjoy. Well, after paying $42 to get the two kids and my husband and I in the damned zoo, we get the oh-so-pleasant surprise of finding out that all the little 'extras' listed on the website cost more money in addition to the pricey cover charge. Now, this would have been nice to know BEFORE we showed up and paid to get in. We're not talking chump change, either. They have this little lift thing, called the SkyRide, that's like one of the ski lifts, right? Takes you on a short little jaunt over part of the zoo. It's on the website as part of the park. Well, and so it is... for a lovely little $3 a head charge. Then there's the train that makes a short loop around... $2 a head. And the freaking CAROUSEL is $1.50 a pop. Now, if they charged less to get in this damned place, I'd be more inclined to forgive the charges, but to charge us $14 a head per adult and $6 a head per kid to get in this little animal kingdom and then smack us for all this additional money for the things listed on the website at no mention of fees? Well, that really pisses me off. And the concessions? Holy shit! $4 for a COKE, for crying out loud. Talk about getting screwed and not even getting kissed. And the setup they have for leaving the park is priceless... they make you leave through the damned gift shop. Thanks for that, you assholes. Make me drag my kids through shopping hell just to get out of the damned place, after already sucking all my money out better than a Hoover. Someone who owns that place should be shot. I get first dibs.

Long Live the Sticker

So I'm on my way to my son's school yesterday morning to drop him off. I'm approaching the school, in a 25 miles per hour zone, and all of a sudden I see a cop with a little radar gun jump out of the bushes on the opposite side of the street. He runs toward me waving me to pull over. I begin to feel the faint stirrings of a heart attack, seeing as how my tags are expired and out of state. He stands behind my car examining the tags and talking into his little shoulder mounted baby monitor, while I'm sitting there mentally doing the 'fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck' thing. He comes up to my window, asks for license, registration, and proof of insurance. Well, two of those are easy enough to produce... registration's a bit harder, as I'm the world's worst about remembering where I stuck that damned thing. Turns out they have a new sign that I hadn't noticed, stuck to a pylon that's always been there to mark the school zone, that drops the speed down to 15 mph. Lucky me. I'm dreading the ticket for my tags, which I hadn't renewed because it's an arm and a leg in Arizona and I still haven't recovered from the financial ass kicking delivered to me by my ex. Anyway. He's walking around, yapping into his shoulder, checking out my car (I'm sure looking for anything else he can nail me for, taillights, etc.). Suddenly, he sees it... my beautiful, wonderful, soon-to-be enshrined little sticker in my back window that marks me as a supporter of the Fraternal Order of Police's Disabled Officers and Widow's Fund. Ah, NIRVANA! He walks to his car, pulls it up behind me, yaps some more. Walks to my car, looks at the sticker again, goes back to his car AGAIN. Meanwhile, I'm in tears, picturing Christmas blown to shit due to ticket fines and tag charges, not to mention my perfect driving record shot down the proverbial toilet. Finally, he walks back, hands me my stuff, and, with no good grace and nary a smile, tells me he was this [] close to writing me a ticket, but he's going to let me off with a warning JUST THIS ONCE. I almost pissed my pants out of a shock/gratitude/disbelief combo. I'm here to tell you, that $25 a year is the best money I ever bitched about spending, and I will soon be looking up the Arizona chapter of the FOP so that I can donate AGAIN as soon as possible. Get me a new sticker, you betcha.