Only Nola

Not Half Bad Notting Hill

Julia Roberts. A woman I generally can't stand, personally, but the rest of the world seems to worship the ground she walks on. That's fine, it's not like I can't avoid her movies. Well, tonight Notting Hill was on and I watched it strictly for the Hugh Grant factor, since I adore Hugh Grant. I was surprised to find myself enjoying the film. It was funny, in that way that only the British seem to really get away with. It managed to not be treacly with the romance, which was a pleasant surprise. Usually romantic movies leave me gagging and heaving. And, yes, it had me a little weepy at the end, I admit it.

My only real problem with this movie is that the character of Anna, played by Julia, is repeatedly forgiven for truly horrible behavior. She isn't held accountable for the shabby way she's treated Hugh Grant's character, William. Near the end, you think she's finally going to have to pay for it, but no... it's just a cruel tease. It somehow seems pretty awful to me that the movie basically condones overlooking actions that it would NEVER ask an audience to overlook if they were coming from a MAN. If that were the case, the audience would be screaming for the woman to leave the bastard in the dust, rip his nuts off, something along those lines. But, since it's a WOMAN doing these things, and their beloved Julia Roberts to boot, then, well, they want good ol' William to turn the other cheek and give her one more crack at breaking his heart. Ugh. He'd have been better off if she'd just gone ahead and shoved him under an oncoming bus.

That being said, if you just ignore that little issue, it's a very enjoyable movie which I do not regret staying up past my bedtime to watch. I just have to work on that little habit of analyzing things to death, and then movies might get a little less like dragging fingernails down chalkboard.

Barring my little personal accountability annoyance, I'd give this one a B.

Dawn of the Dead

Went to see Dawn of the Dead last weekend. I wanted something that didn't make me think too much, something simple and straightforward, pure escapism... scary movie fits the bill. Well, I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but this wasn't quite it.

The movie wasn't bad, don't get me wrong, but it was like having sex with your hand... does the job, but not exactly satisfying. First of all, there's the fact that at no time in the movie does it address WHAT is turning people into things that go bump in the night. I understand that the focus of the movie is supposed to be the attempts at survival by the group that has banded together, still, call me crazy but I wanted some kind of clue as to what this was or where it came from. I don't have to have it all laid out with a big bow on top, and I'm not asking for simplistic answers to make it all a happy ending, just something that gives me a clue. Just a tiny clue? Then, there's the gore... yeah, I'd read about how they'd aimed to surpass any movie preceding this one for the 'reality' of the looks of decomposing flesh, and that didn't bother me. It was the sheer QUANTITY I could have lived without. Were they getting money under the table from the Karo people for each gallon of fake blood they used? I mean, people are going to see a movie on date night, right? What does this usually mean? DINNER FIRST! So, have a meal, watch a movie with massive amounts of festering pustules and strings of livid flesh... you do the math. Let me just take this moment to tell you, from personal experience, DO NOT EAT CHINESE BEFORE WATCHING THIS MOVIE! Urg.

Last but not least, there's the ending. I should take this moment to tell you that if you haven't seen the movie, this qualifies as a spoiler. Go clean your toilet or something now if you don't want to hear this part. So they're all making their getaway, heading for the boat. We're now down to six people. One, a rat bastard who'd gradually redeemed himself, is forced to nuke himself due to becoming trapped with the formerly living bite fiends. Well, we hate it but we can live with it. Then comes the clincher... they're all boarding the boat when the hero has to tell the other four that he's not going. Heroine is, of course, a tad confused. He lifts his arm to show the dreaded bite mark. He has hours, maybe days, but not much time either way, until he turns into someone you wouldn't want at a sleepover. Tears and 'I love you's ensue. Boat pulls out of dock. Last thing you see is him standing on the pier pulling out a gun. Screen goes blank... you hear a gunshot. Fucking lovely. I didn't require a happy ending, but jesus, is it just me or is that gratuitously emotional? Like the director/writer/psycho in charge decided they needed some really horrible way to end the film, and that was the top of the list. Hell, if they were going to go that way, why not just have them all turn into Happy Meals on legs for the masses? Why let anyone escape at ALL?

Oh, and as an add on here... in reference to WHY I needed some clue about what's turning people into killing machines? Well, so these four escape in the boat... WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY GOING? The world is, apparently, overrun with ex-human beasties, and no mention of a fix, a cure, a solution. So even if they get away, THERE'S NO POINT! ugh. Consider this: two men, two women on the boat. Assume sex will follow. They find a deserted island to live on. *bear with me* Technology has been left far behind, right? What does that mean? NO BIRTH CONTROL! So, what, they're going to bring KIDS into the world? One would seriously hope not. So to avoid kids, they will have to forego sex FOREVER. Appetizing, eh? Not to mention unrealistic.

Oh, and don't get me started about the truly sick and twisted shit with the pregnant woman and her husband...

Postal Service… NOT!

I've discovered something since moving to Arizona. The post office CAN get worse. This is the worst delivery of mail I've had in my entire life. They lost my child support check this month, and I'm almost a week overdue in receiving some picture prints I ordered. You can't really complain, either, because all you get is that blank 'I make a lot of money and you can't get me fired because it's almost impossible here' stare. I mean, I'm sorry, but how hard is it to read the number on the goddamned mailbox? How is it some moron, somewhere, couldn't read the address and get me my CHECK? It's also taken way longer to get mail, the mail that doesn't get lost, that is. I want to work at the post office... good money, good benefits, and a huge amount of room for error. PLUS you get to be grumpy to the clients, and there's nothing they can do because where else are they going to go? You're the POST OFFICE, kind of a necessity, short of deciding to go with the old fallback carrier pigeon.

Sure, you can go to one of those mailbox places they have now... just prepare to pay for the privelege through the nose. And the service is, generally, still closely related to the regular post office. I think that the mailbox places hire the inbred cousins of the postal service workers as a favor. Either way, both places have you over a barrel, because they know you have mail, and your options are limited. It's one of the reasons I now love online billpay through my bank. Makes life a lot easier.

You just watch, now someone disgruntled postal employee will make sure I never get another piece of mail as long as I live.