Only Nola

If Only I could Slap Her

Another lovely day in the world of cosmetology. I had a client's mother come in this afternoon and go off on me right in the middle of the salon. A fascinating experience, let me tell you. Like being put on the rack, only not as much fun. The sad thing is that everything this woman was bitching about was utter bullshit...

This girl comes in with her best friend. She says she wants highlights and lowlights and a trim. She picks out the colors she wants, and off we go. The highlights turn out well, she says she loves them. Trim goes just fine and dandy, too. Now for the blowdry. She says she does NOT want it flat ironed, which is how she normally fixes it, but does want it smooth. She doesn't want it big, but does want it to have volume... great, she's going to be one of THOSE clients. The kind that say 'I don't want to lose any length, and I don't want layers, but I really want a change.' *this is the part where I roll my eyes and take two dozen Motrin* So we blow dry her. It's a soft, shoulder length-ish hair style. I've got the whole thing smooth, but NOT flat, per her instructions. NO teasing at the crown for extra volume, since she doesn't want it BIG. I'm a great one for following directions. We get done, she says... it's big. I'm thinking at this point that she's either blind or insane. Her hair is about as big as Clare Danes', if that helps you any. That is to say, NOT AT ALL. We go back and forth, and she, in her infinite teenage wisdom, keeps picking and bitching, convinced she can have it with LESS volume WITHOUT it going flat. Yeah, right. Not possible. This is a girl with fine, limp hair. Big is not an issue here. I end up telling her that if she thinks it has too much volume now, our only option to take some of it out is to flat iron it. This is, of course, unacceptable to the little nitpicker. So my hands are tied, and I ask her just what exactly she wants me to do... to which, of course, she has no answer. Finally she just sticks with the 'love the color, love the cut' thing, and goes to happily pay for her services. I then am supposed to do her best friend's updo for some dance they're going to. The friend has hair almost to her ASS, and it's WET. She's under some mistaken impression that this is a GOOD thing. It's also very naturally curly... like brillo pad curly. And fine. And damaged. You get the picture. *sighs* The friend then informs me that she doesn't want it UP, she just wants it kind of... partially up, like some off her face, but most of it left loose down her back, like she always wears it. I'm still staring at this mass of hair, and waiting for the Motrin to kick in. So I get a diffuser, and I get the hair mostly dry. I then pull the front part of her hair, the part that frames her face, back and make a series of loose knots on the crown of her head, leaving the ends loose. I smooth out the ends in spiral curls. She says she loves it. Pays for her services. I go sit in the break room and wish fervently for a stiff drink for my nerves. Twenty minutes or so later, I go outside for a smoke break when the receptionist comes out back to tell me my client's mother is here. I'm confused, since I don't currently HAVE a client. This is a new receptionist, and she's kind of flustered, so I go up front to see what's going on. Remind me never to do THAT again.

I go up front to see this... female and her inbred husband standing at the front desk. I approach, not knowing that there's a problem, and not even knowing who the hell this person is here for. I'm thinking it's a case of mistaken identity, since I don't currently have a client for her to be seeing me ABOUT. Sadly, not the case. She looks at me, from her little beady eyes, and asks if I'm the person that did so and so's hair. I say yes, smiling politely. She proceeds, at top volume, no less, to start cussing me, in the middle of the waiting area, about how I've RUINED her kid's hair. I'm buffaloed, to say the least. She's telling me the girl's in TEARS, and that her hair is GRAY. Okay, first off, BULLSHIT, second off, there is NO good reason to treat someone, namely me, this way in public. You have a problem, approach me as an adult, not a rabid dog. She then tells me that hte girl was sent out of here with CURLY hair. This is the first girl, the one with the flat hair, not the one who actually DID have curly hair. Imagine my shock to hear the mother claim little miss limp left here with CURLS. And the gray thing doesn't even deserve comment... but I WILL. If her fucking hair had been GRAY, a) the girl wouldn't have told me she loved it, and b) I'D HAVE NOTICED BEFORE SHE LEFT. Shit, the whole SALON would have noticed. No one would have let that girl leave with GRAY HAIR. So I tell her to bring the girl in and let me talk to her and see what we can do for her so that she's not unhappy. The woman refuses. She says I don't NEED to see the girl's hair. Uh, pardon me, but YES I DO. If you're going to come into MY place of employment and make an ass of yourself and criticize my work and scream like a hyena, I SO need to see the basis of your bitching. She then says I also ruined curly girl's hair. That she wanted it STRAIGHT! Oh my fucking GOD. This girl went out of her WAY to tell me she wanted it left curly, damned near ripped my head off when I reached for a diffuser because she did NOT want her curls blown out, and NOW she's claiming she wanted it STRAIGHT? WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM AND HOW DO THEY FIND ME?

I'm not fooled, at this point. Once I repeatedly ask to see the girl, who hasn't been in the door or in sight for this entire melee, and am refused, I realize this was all just done in hopes she could get her daughter's service for free. She figures if she throws a big enough fit, I'll offer her a refund just to get her to shut up. WRONG. There are times you offer a client a refund, but sight unseen isn't one of them... especially when the customer in question is a hair short of assault charges and totally invading my personal bubble. I'll be damned if I'm offering a refund taking HER word for the horror in question. Show me the hair or get the hell out.

The entire salon was agog at the happenings, and I had to retell the story repeatedly to those that couldn't hear all the details. * Which was only a few, since this walking nightmare was yelling fit to carry to the Netherlands.* We're a nosy bunch, we stylists. *laughs* Needless to say, when I got off work all I wanted was that stiff drink.

*lifts bottle* Cheers.

You’ve GOT To Be Kidding Me

Today when I went to pick up my son at the Boys and Girls Club, the head director guy, whatever his title might be *I'm thinking head Nazi* pulled me aside to have yet another talk about my son. Now, bear in mind, this is the only guy who's ever had a problem with him. Anyway. His big beef is that Connor 'disrupts' things by not sitting still during announcements, and doesn't stay 'in his area' during activity time. For this my five year old son is now being threatened with SUSPENSION. Suspension, I tell you! For a fucking FIVE YEAR OLD? In a non profit organization's after school program? And for basically FIDGETING? Is this man going for the record on anal retentive behavior or what? And the priceless part is that I see kids, every day, when I pick up my son, running around like wild animals, hitting each other, throwing things, etc., and THEY aren't getting suspended. Oh, but wait, that's right... he's not like them. They're, primarily, Mexican, just like this director guy. Now, not that I'm ready to swear this has anything to do with it, but it seems awfully suspect to me that they same kids I see acting up on a regular basis never appear to be suspended from this place, but one of the few white kids, and one who's major claim to fame is not staying put like he should, nothing violent or destructive, is the one who's being threatened with suspension. Is it just me, or is this insane? I have had the stern talk with my son, and doled out the punishment, because, whether or not the guy's an asshole, I DO think my son should obey and behave. But it certainly feels like this guy has some kind of grudge against either me or my son, and damned if I can figure out a reason, unless it's the race thing. Connor's teacher, who see's him for way more hours than this guy, never has to pull me aside for discipline issues... doesn't that seem odd? I mean, if Connor were such a headache, wouldn't it show up in his regular school time as well as the after school program? And none of his previous day care or elementary teachers have had ONE troublemaker report to make on him... although there was one lunchroom Nazi that busted him for 'talking out of turn at the lunch table'. At the lunch table? Give me a fucking BREAK! It's LUNCH, not the goddamned constitutional convention. But I digress...

I don't ever want to be one of those parents that just thinks their kid's perfect and won't allow them to be personally accountable for their actions. I'm big on the personal responsibility. But by the same token, I really think this is over the top, when someone is going to throw your child out for something as harmless as not staying put. That's something you get a time out for, or privileges revoked, not EXPULSION.

The world's gone mad.. MAD I tell you...