Only Nola

YIP YIP YIP YIP!

Can someone explain to me why it's the world's smallest dogs that have the largest delusions?  There's this little dog (don't ask me what kind... it's got ears like jacked up feather dusters but short, wiry hair everywhere else... I'm guessing it's a mutant) that lives across the street from us.  I swear to God that thing barks enough to raise the dead.  And he's not just barking... he's totally warning you that, if he wanted to?, he could TOTALLY kick your ass.  He's bouncing around all over the yard, snarling and yipping like he's being hit with a cattle prod and had just about efuckingnough. 

Until...

You take one step toward him.  Then?  He's all 'Yeah, I could tear you apart if I wanted to.  TOTALLY.  From right... where are you going?  Hey, get off my yard!  Are you INSANE?  I'm LOUD, and I have TEETH, and... and... and if I ever get out from under this bush, buddy, your ass is MINE!  Mine, I tell you!  Hear me barking?  I'm a WILD MAN, BABY!  Total top of the food chain here, pal.  Just get off my GODDAMNED LAWN!  Yeah, that's right... there you go, back in your driveway... NOW WHAT, BITCH?  Yeah, I'm right here, out in the open... going to KICK YOUR ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!  I am SO in control of... hey!  Didn't we already settle this?  Back away from my yard, nutsack!  This bush?  The one on top of me?  Totally the ONLY thing standing between you and a violent death.  Take my advice and stay away.  Like, FAR away.  Like, back inside your HOUSE far away.  Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you.  You heard me!  Okay, maybe hard to hear right now... this isn't a whimper, it's a SUBTLE bark, moron!  Do I look afraid of you?  What pee?  Where?  I did SO not pee on myself.  It's that bitch down the block... comes up here and pisses all over everything.  See what she's doing to me?  GO AWAY!  Don't make me... hey, hands off!  Get your hands off me!  DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?'

Yeah, it goes pretty much JUST like that.  Little furbag goes all spastic, raising 8 kinds of hell, until it looks like you're actually going NEAR him.  Then?  Totally turns into the neighborhood pussy.  It's amazing how fast those small dogs can run.  Quick little fuckers.  Not very bright, but quick.

The irony is that the dog next door?  The... what is he?... some kind of boxer or something, I don't know, he doesn't come out often... anyway, THAT dog?  The one that actually COULD probably eat someone?  (I KNOW he could eat that damned yippy dog, anyway.  That little dog is not much bigger than your average Milkbone) That dog makes NO noise. 

There's a lesson here, people, but I won't insult anyone's intelligence by spelling it out.

Pictures for Days

I usually avoid photo blog entries (mostly because the stupid editing tool drives me totally batshit and I don't need the frustration), but I decided to share some random pictures tonight, in no cohesive order whatsoever.  What's life without a little chaos, eh?  Most of these are from the little weekend trip that Jonathan and I took to Eureka Springs a couple of weeks ago.  Most of you have never been there, I'm sure, and may very well think that time spent in a small town in the mountains of Arkansas sounds akin to Chinese water torture, but trust me... it's a great place.  Or don't trust me.  My cats don't, so why should you be any different?

Anyhoo.  You all know the drill... click the teeny weenie picture and, as if by magic, a bigger picture will suddenly appear in a new window.  The mind boggles.

This is the lot where our house is going to sit.  I went out and met my builder guys there today to help stake out the house site and get it centered and all.  Froze my little ears off (I've already established that I'm a pussy where temperature is concerned) but had fun getting in their way.  That's what I'm there for.

This is Leo.  He's the owner of Zark's Gallery in Eureka Springs (my favorite place to shop in the ENTIRE world).  So HE says.  The cat has the run of the store, and he isn't averse to giving a bite and a swipe of a claw if he thinks someone needs it.  Pity the shoplifter...

 

Here is the little historic park/town square area in Eureka Springs.  Okay, so I cheated and used this picture that I took almost 3 years ago when Jonathan and I got married.  WHAT?  It was raining the whole goddamned time we were THERE two weeks ago... you want pictures of THAT?  Either way, it's charming, right?  RIGHT?

 

This is my hunky hubby. Words can't express how much he's going to HATE it that I called him that. Which is okay. We have this little deal... I make sure to give him at least one thing to bitch about every day, and promises not to call 911 on my ass one week a month.

 

Well, here we have the coffee table from hell... literally.  Take a good look at that coffee table.  What do you see?  It's a COFFIN, people!  A. freaking. COFFIN.  No, I'm not kidding.  It's got hinges and EVERYTHING.  Hey, I love antiques in my fancy schmancy lodgings as much as the next girl, but a COFFIN?  Isn't that crossing some kind of line?

 

See this?  This is the bathtub from HELL.  And it's way wider than it looks in this pic, FYI.  This was in the Carriage House, a gorgeous place to stay in Eureka Springs.  It had BETTER be gorgeous, for what it costs.  Don't ask.  Still... just LOOK at that bathroom!  Well, okay, you can't see the whole bathroom in that picture, but trust me when I tell you it was ALL that nice.  I'd give my left tit for the awesome sink they had in there.

 

Here is the king of all beds.  I can't begin to tell you how deep was the love I felt for the comforter on this bed.  When I tell you that my husband had to drag me out by my hair to keep me from stealing it?  NOT. KIDDING.  It was super heavy and supple and made you feel all, well... comforted.  It was almost a religious experience. 

 

Last, but not least, this is the kitchen in the Carriage House.  I had uploaded a picture of that damned sink in the bathroom, but now it's hiding from me in this damned program, so you just have to go without.  The kitchen?  I adore the kitchen.  It has the exact cabinets I so want for my house.  I even love the color, even if my camera makes it show up for shit on here.  Bah. 

 

If the uploader ever decides to cough up that picture of the rest of the bathroom,  or the shot of the foyer, I'll throw it on here.  Till then, though, this is what you got.  Hope someone, god knows who, enjoys the pictures.  I'm off to bed.  I have to get up early to drive the hubby to Kansas City to see the oral surgeon.  I was thinking about going to my favorite restaurant while I was there, but hubby says he won't want to eat before he sees the surgeon, and we KNOW he won't be eating after, soooooooo... maybe another time.  I'm currently ignoring his command, which was to just drop him off at the surgeon's office, drive half an hour to the restaurant, eat, then come back and get him when I get done.  Pretty sure I'd get the 'insensitive bitch of the year' award for THAT little maneuver.

Wish us luck.

eurekasprings

Historic District park area in Eureka Springs.

lot

The lot where our home will eventually stand.

leo

Leo, the Zark's Gallery owner. I'm not EVEN kidding.

kitchenineureka

The kitchen that is SO what I want in my house... but isn't going to happen. Dammit.

jacuzziineureka

The bathtub I could happily DIE in.

hubbyineureka

The Hubby... who hates all cameras.

hubbahubbahubby

Out and about in Eureka Springs

bedineureka

Bedding? Great. Bed? From SATAN.