Okay, yes, I've gotten the emails and read the comments and can officially state that no, I'm not dead. Not even an amputated limb to account for the long absence. A record absence, actually, even for my disorganized and occasionally lazy ass. All I can say is a lot has been going on (gee, is anyone surprised by that?) and I've kind of had my head up the aforementioned ass. I'm totally blaming on a genetic predisposition. Or the cats. Something.
I'm all about the personal accountability. *coughs*
Sooo... the guy I mentioned in my last post? Yeah, well, he was one of the penis-afflicted, after all, so no surprise that I've been shopping again. So to speak. Not that men are like groceries, but... well, okay, so they are kind of like groceries (ever buy a loaf of bread and not know it had mold on it til you got it home? I rest my case.), but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Give me some time and I can come up with a positive in that. Really. I swear.
I did get to go to Manhattan to see the ex right before Christmas, which was nice. Nice in the getting to see him way, not the I love New York way. New York? Kind of sucks balls. Sorry if that offends anyone from there, but I have to tell you, your city? Is dirty, overcrowded, expensive as fuck-all, and full of people that were, by all appearances, raised by wolves. Seriously. I've never seen such a massive amount of bad behavior packed into such a small space. It's like a competition for the recent graduates of Rudeness 101. Me and all my inner southernness were deeply appalled. And nearly mauled by the inhabitants of the subway. FYI? The subway isn't for the polite and well-intentioned. Bring a bat.
Daddy is still recovering from his accident. He's had two surgeries already and is going in for his third (this one on his rotator cuff thingy) on the 15th. He's also had surgery on his wrist and his back. Seems like it will never end. He'll have another one in a month or so on a hernia. Poor thing. He's just having a miserable time. *sighs*
I also have, running around somewhere in my area, a delusional ex-boyfriend who shall remain nameless. All I have to say is that if throwing me under the proverbial bus and rewriting history to make himself feel better is what he needs to do to get by, well... I'm not sure how he sleeps at night. Hopefully with one eye open, though, since someday he might do this to some other, less evolved woman than me and get a case of the burning bed. (...) I'm just sayin'...
Oh, and my final grades from MSU? Straight A's, thank you very much. *insert wild applause and checks made out to 'cash' here*
The cats are their typical selves. Furry and irritating. I did have a temporary addition to the house, but it's gone now. A stray puppy wandered up (because we all know that I'm like CRACK to stray animals) and he was here for 3 or 4 weeks, I guess, but then last week he went POOF! Don't know where he went, but I'm not going to lie and say I'm not relieved. I really didn't want or need a dog, no matter how sweet and cute he was (and he SO was. I named him Dexter. After Buster Poindexter, not the serial killer. Egads.), and I was having no luck in finding him a home, so now I can just assume (and I choose to, just so you know) that someone snatched him up and took him to give him a good home. That's my hallucination and I'm sticking to it.
Well, I need to shower and pretend I'm a human being as opposed to a sloth, so I'm going to sign off for now. If I let an extended period of time go by without posting again, you all have my permission to administer spankings.
(...)
Scratch that. That could be wrong on all kinds of levels. Or right, depending on your perspective...
Can you say "TRANSPARENT"?...HUH? No? ...Let me tell you how. You dissappeared to lick yet more wounds. People think Geoffrey Dahmmer had a pattern but he couldn't hold a candle to you sister!! I suspected the news of the moldy guy friend hence your absence. Next time, post sooner and tell us if you're not sure if there's mold growing or if you've topped him lusciously like bruscetta!! We need news lady! Proud of your report card but never really thought it would be any different. Hope your Daddy starts feeling better. Write soon....and I may come up with a cookie for it.
Posted by: AUBURN | January 05, 2009 at 10:55 PM
Well hello there! You're even worse about updating than I am.
The Penis Is Evil, remember? Buy a BOB and take a break from the real thing for awhile. It will probably do that eye twitch of yours a world of good.
Miss you.
Posted by: Holly | January 07, 2009 at 01:42 PM
yay! you're not dead! this is good.
heh, penis-afflicted - they run rampant!!
NYC is fun - you can throw all your manners and politeness in a trunk, fill it with cement, lock it, wrap it in chains, and toss it off a boat right above the mid atlantic ridge, for the weekend and be a shithead like the rest of them - fun, fun!
Posted by: ash | January 09, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Dayam Woman! I was about to send the local cops on an SOS/welfare check on you! So you decided to surface and assure all of us that #1) No---you didn't meet some serial killer who held you captive in a damp basement somewhere for weeks and weeks until you escaped by using your combination of womanly wiles, intelligence, wit, and a toothpick....
or #2) That you didn't drown in the proverbial primordial ooze of winter...all those snowstorms and floods happening all over;you, Connor, and your cats were finally rescued off the rooftop of your backyard tree house...
Please keep us more informed...form emails are fine if you just say "Hi--I'm really, really busy right now but will get back to you as soon as I can!"
*winks*
Posted by: Nyt | January 10, 2009 at 11:41 AM