Zombie

Yes, much as you'd think I'd died and come back a bit George Romero-ish, the reality is?  I'm still among the living.  I know, I know... the last year or two my delays and absences have been legion.  I don't know what to tell you other than a great deal of what's been going on in my life is NOT publishable.  Not on a blog my family reads, anyway.  What, do I look stupid?  (...)  Don't answer that.  Seriously.

Let's see... what do I have to report?

Finally got my car back from the shop.  Took them almost 5 weeks.  God.  While grateful to have my baby back in my hands, I'm not happy with the insurance company's rental car coverage, nor the collision center's timeline... the two of which did NOT play well together.  My rental coverage ran out 9 days before the car was done being fixed.  Let me do some quick math for you... 9 days of rental car usage NOT covered by insurance costs almost as much as an ER visit.  You know, the ER visit you almost need after having a stroke when they hand you the bill.  You'd think they personally gave BIRTH to the car they rented you or something. 

Oh, something I'd meant to post quite awhile ago just popped into my head.  Ready?  Got a snack handy? 

So one day I had taken Mom, Connor, and Nathan to the mall.  The level of fun this was does not bear describing... pretty sure I don't have to point out the depth of my sarcasm there.  Anyway.  So, we're leaving the parking lot and I'm arguing with my mother over the issue of a chair (she has this thing about wanting you to do something without her having to actually tell you she wants you to do it, then when you either don't figure it out or wait for her to SAY what she wants, she gets pissed off because she didn't get what she wouldn't ask for in the FIRST fucking place.  It's a festive game we play.  I invite others to play along.  And club me repeatedly in the head for an extra degree of fun.  Regardless, there was a chair she had wanted me to look at and because she didn't say she wanted me to look at it and I didn't read between the lines, she was giving me hell and I, being the flawed human being that I am, was giving it right back.  Turns out she not only wanted me to LOOK at the chair, but indeed to BUY the aforementioned chair.  (...)  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and I, with no segue at all, mention the fact that I am dying of thirst.

Okay, let me preface this with a visual.  Mom and Connor are in the back seat, Nathan's in the front.  I'm driving down a busy road, planning my night ahead in my brain as I ferry my mother around to get her prescriptions and all (and making sure we don't kill each other.  That part's always important and NOT a given.) and listening to the boys give each other shit back and forth across the back of the front seat Nathan's in.  Let me preface this also with a small but vital piece of information... I'm generally only as thirsty as I was once a month.  I don't think I need to spell that out any more clearly, do I?

So I inform the car in general that I'm parched.  My mother makes some remark about how I should/could have gotten something to drink in the mall, or words to that effect.  I fire back with what, to me, was a selfless and kind act of mercy...

Me:  Mom, I only get this thirsty a few days out of the month.  You know what that means, right? (see, wanted to remind her that I could, quite possibly, get acquitted in a court of law... friendly reminder, people!)

Imagine my surprise when I hear from behind me this small voice chime in with...

Connor: You're sober?

(...)

WHAT?

Nathan about pisses himself laughing.  I'm speechless, or nearly so.  All I can do is keep repeating, at volumes not meant to be heard by the human ear, 'WHAT?!?'

Bear in mind, again, that this boy?  Has NEVER seen me drunk.  Has rarely, if ever, even seen me have so much as a freaking WINE COOLER.  I don't know where the fuck he got that retort, but it nearly made my brain implode.  I'M SOBER?  Well, of COURSE I'm sober, for fuck's sake!  I'm almost ALWAYS sober!  Although after that remark of his, I sure FELT like I needed a drink...

*sighs*  This is why I had kids.  Right?

Comments

[Holly]

Sounds to me like you're raising a kid just like you. Unfair or just punishment - you decide.

Love you.

[Nyt]

God I LOVE Connorisms! He always brightens my day--no matter how bad I'm feeling, how sick I am, how pissy I've been made by my students...I LOVE Connor!

Give that child a major hug from me!

*laughter dies down to snickers* Jesus he's totally funny! Sober indeed! You've got a gift in a million with him--cherish him because despite the fact he embarasses you from time to time--he's funny! And he brightens my day!

Now...I go into the den and beard the dragon (students) I'll be chuckling with this story in my mind! LOL

[Auburn]

I'm really thinking you're getting the best end of the deal here. A great little guy with a mis-wired sense of humor exactly like HIS MOTHERS...you could have had the car load that I carry around which would be THREE TEENAGE GIRLS dying of the same thirst for the exact same reason at the exact same time of month with less AIR OF HUMOR THAN A PRESIDENTIAL FUNERAL FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! So give little Connor sweetie a cookie and write it off as a thought of harmless randomness. Love to all!